Losing my Virginity *

Personally, I blame Peter Marshall (http://www.audax.demon.co.uk) - if he didn't write such entertaining stories, I would never have been lured back to the Dark Side and decided to go on a little jaunt last August, but then he is right about 'bents - the grins just get wider and wider.

So, having canned the AAA (altitude) points chasing, I settled back to some permanents to keep my wheels in good fettle, finishing up with the bright idea of just lugging the trike round the Brian Chapman course (620k) the w/end before the Birthday Rides. Because of a festival, Chepstow & Monmouth were booked solid, so I finished up B & B'ing in Welsh Newton - Hmm, let's ride 620Km and finish at the top of one of the most dreaded hills on the course; sanity check - none - he'll do for PBP...

A pleasant weeks interlude was spent at the Birthday Rides, then on the Thursday, it's off we go; a gentle climb over Walbury Hill (aka Coombe Gibbet), and then stick the steering on automatic to potter down the Test Valley to Portsmouth; arrived about 6pm, then schlepped around the café as various AUKs pulled in and we waited for the 10pm sailing.

A crisp dawn saw some 60 odd (some of them very odd) looking AUKs disembark onto French soil, and, following Noel Simpson's "squiggly line on badly photocopied French map" route, diverge rapidly in assorted directions, to cross and re-cross each others path all day - honestly, it's amazing we ever arrive anywhere following an Audax route sometimes. Managed to drop the offside wheel at speed into a small pothole during a left hand turn, which I knew immediately was going to cause me mucho grief later, and sure enough, climbing up to the nights stay at Evereux, "ping,.ping,ping,.ping", as four spokes decided to go en-masse; Ah well, deal with it later.

An interesting exercise was had fitting 60 cyclists into 20 3-bedded rooms at the "Formula 1", where some selfish buggers had elected not to share on arrival, leading to several unhappy campers vacating the premises, followed by a mass scouring of the locality for sustenance. The solo trikies had to almost park round the corner, as the tandem Trice was giving us an inferiority complex when parked up alongside.;-)

Saturday AM saw more circuitous route planning eventually deposit us on the outskirts of Paris, where again hilarity was had organising rooms; memo to leaders: sending the booking list to the hotel rather than carrying on your person and arriving late in the day is a good thing to do.

Sunday was bike check day, where your lights are tested, your reflective safety equipment checked, and the void between your ears examined. If you pass, you can collect your brevet card along with ordered shirt and bidon, and wander round looking at all the other steeds, and scarf more food at the accompanying "showground". A local (30Km away) bike shop was advertising their services, so I took a short trip out. After some cussing, we did manage to cannibalise a childs' wheel for spokes, so problem sorted.

Monday was the day, but given the first start is 20:00 hours, again you spend most of it lounging around. Pootled off to the Palace of Versailles for a wander round; where you could quite happily spend a complete day, if you're ever in the locale; it should have been more widely advertised though that the final stage start of the Women's Tour de France race was starting from there on the Sunday. Returned in time for the pre-ride meal, and then wandered out to the roadside to watch the 20:00 starters - off the cavalcade goes, chasing the lead car into the night.

Join the queue for the 21:45 (veló special)/22:00 riders, which advances agonisingly slowly along the 400m entrance path; eventually tandems et al are being shunted forward by the marshals, so we get in and have the 1st checkpoint validated. Out onto the road, wander up to the start area, and about 15 minutes late it's "3-2-1-go" and the weird and wonderful launch themselves en-route amidst a cacophony of horns, whistles and picture-taking.the start of (nearly) four days of continuos cycling.;highlights I do remember are:


105Km from Sizun (650Km), inbound

So I arrived back on the Friday afternoon, tired and elated - I'd paid for the full 90 hours of pain and gain, and was happy to achieve 1235Km in 90:11 (0.2% error), with about 5 hours sleeping (1 hour at Loudeac (452Km), 1 Hour at Villaines (1002Km), and a succession of 10-15 minute "power naps" en-route/slumped over a cafeteria table.). Not the fastest, by a long chalk, but the object of an Audax is to finish...

Laurent (ex-Wantage section) was there to wave the welcoming flag at the end, so we chatted for a while, then I stumbled back to the Pavilion Bleu to find, joy of joys, that due to continuing screwups they no longer held the room - arrgh, just what you need. I couldn't be fagged to argue the point, so went and gatecrashed at Laurent's hotel - I hope I didn't give him too much of a surprise when he arrived back that evening to find a corpse in his room...>

A good 11 hours solid sleep and breakfast set me up for the return trip, following a solo route paralleling Noel's route out, and overnighting at Bernay; bumping into various AUKs at the obligatory "nose-bag" locations.

Back to Caen, and overnight passage to Portsmouth, where "Goodbyes" and "see you next time (yeah, riiiight)" filled the morning, and over the hills to home; herself was supposed to join me en-route, but never managed to grasp the speed of return from Portsmouth to home - so she didn't get a freebie teacake...

The route sheet was excellent, with accompanying fluorescent arrow signs for each direction (although they can't win; the colours/direction were hard to discern in daylight this time around), with Motorcycle marshals/medics riding the route - there is a very strict code though, and any sign of medical distress would get you pulled from the ride, and on the last inbound section sleeping riders were being pulled right, left & centre...


Mortange (Inbound) - velos of those that have had enough...

The ride down/back does indeed add to the overall experience; if you ever do it, ensure you ride there and back...

Why did I do it - the only answers I can give are those expressed below, a reply straight from the fingers late one night to a www question about why people Audax:

  • It can make you feel 10' tall, or rip your heart out and stomp on it with size 11 boots and manic chuckle.

  • You can ride companionably, at agreeable pace, or in perfect solitude, stopping when you want.

  • You could be:
  • riding the (wooded valley) home straight in brilliant evening sunshine,
  • travelling through the glen in soft moonlight,
  • be thinking "Hmmm, this road look familiar" as you ride down it the 12th time,
  • stood watching a Red Kite hover 10 feet from you,
  • or be standing shivering at 2am in thick fog & hissing rain, on top of a Devon moor, in the middle of a chalk quarry, wondering &"...just where the f*ck is this T-junction and signpost then?"
  • It's about learning to trust in others (hoping the route sheet matches the ground).

  • It's about learning to trust your instincts (realising the damn thing doesn't match the ground).

  • It's about stuffing your face with two breakfasts after a 100K section J

  • It's about rationing yourself to avoid the bonk after 400K+ of riding L

  • It's about wanting to kill the bastard of an organiser that puts a Km of 1-in-5 10k before the end of a 400. It's about loving them for the drinks and food they stuff you with having signed off at the finish control.

  • It's about going prepared. It's about improvising when something breaks.

  • It's not about the distance; It's about finding what *your* limits are.

Did I finish Yes. Did I qualify - I don't know, yet. (Unofficial) result listings show a finishing time, but (things get somewhat hazy after 50 hours of riding) I feel I may have been (strictly speaking) out of time at some intermediate controls. Official results are not disseminated before December (for some strange reason). Against this is the rule that Veló Specials do not have to 'respect' controls, so it does seem that as long as a controller was still there to validate the brevet, things are OK...

Should you try it - yes. Everybody should try at least once.

Would I do it again - hmmm - ask me in four years time JJJ

Pat (& Percival the parrot)

* First timers are PBP "virgins" - those that complete the ride become PBP "anciens"